Editing Writing!

Today Lynette, legacy and I went onto Lynette's writing and noticed that she did more telling than showing.This meant that she wrote more sentences like this: (Example) I went to the pools. Instead of that we added more detail and in 'I went to the pools' into what the car ride was to the pools or if you walked on foot to the pool. Go see her unedited writing on this link: Lynette and legacy at: Legacy

Lynette, Legacy, Jin and Miss West Edit

On Saturday night, my friend Paulah and I sat under a blanket of warmth which streamed down from the setting sun. In the distance we saw the grey back of what we could only assume was some different kind of mammal. It looked a bit like a mermaid! With excitement, we looked at each other and realised we had the same idea. We pulled our togs quickly out of our bags and whipped them on! Then we skipped our way to the water.

We could hear a fresh calming breeze and it was flowing gently through our hair. There was a beautiful splashing noise which was the waves and the changing tide. I could feel the cold water and the seaweed squelched between my toes. 

Suddenly the mermaid-like creature surrounded us. 

I could feel a light swift movement brush over my arm. I tried to hold my breath under the water to see what it was, and what I saw was amazing to look at. It was a West Indian Manatee touching my arm.

When I came back up for air I saw that Paulah had a massive grin that had spread across her

face. At once, I knew that she had also seen the beautiful creature that I had just witnessed.